The Wounded Healer

6. Light Beyond the Woods

There is lots of talk these days about how kids have no respect, they’re too sensitive or they don’t seem half as smart as previous generations. It’s a popular subject of conversation to deride the next generation, as if they are responsible for all the ills facing our society. Or if it is not that then it’s all about blaming the parents.

This makes me sad, and maybe even a little angry. I often want to say, in defence of young people generally, well they didn’t choose to be born, and they certainly didn’t choose to be born into the kind of society we are all living in. The very society that these ‘critics’ have helped to create.

Perhaps my sadness also comes from a place of having had the privilege of working with many remarkable young people whose stories need to be told. Like I said, none of them chose to be born, and many certainly would not have chosen to face the adversities that have been given to them.

I hope I showed in a previous chapter (4. Meaning in Art and Therapy) what one particular young girl I worked with was able to experience through the therapeutic process, but more importantly how remarkably resilient she was and what she was able to achieve despite a frankly horrific start in life. This, and the feedback I got from last week’s post has inspired me to say more about the process of working with my clients. But more specifically here I want to illustrate just how the light that everyone has within them can be found and can shine through if it is allowed to do so.

If many of our young people are so ‘lost’ in the world today, isn’t it because they have not been able to find their light? And isn’t it our duty to help them find it.

Leon Trotsky once said the mark of a civilised society is how it treats women. I am inclined to agree, except I might say ‘all vulnerable people’; which obviously includes our children. Sadly, right now, I would say our society has an extremely poor record when it comes to the way the most vulnerable are treated. I would go further and say that the language of so called ‘political correctness’ and ‘woke’ is actually a part of the problem because it pays lip service to the idea of real equality and justice, whilst the experience ‘on the ground’ is that not much has really changed in the last fifty years.

However, I don’t want to get political today.

What I want to show is how therapeutic work can make a real difference to a young person’s life.

I want to do it a bit differently this week. Again, creating an amalgamation of a number of people (for the sake of anonymity). But also, to make it into a dialogue, to demonstrate the ebb and flow of a particular session.

There will be some ‘notes’ in brackets and bold throughout. These are my thought processes, but to be completely transparent they are absolutely NOT what I am thinking in the room. These are more reflective thoughts which usually come afterwards. When I am in the room with someone, I am in what I would call a ‘flow state’. I am responding to what is unfolding in front of me.

Background

Jasmine is 15 years old when first coming to therapy. About a year before she was suspended from school after performing a sex act on her boyfriend in school. Her parents decided to take her out of the school altogether. They send her to France to live with her grandmother. Jasmine has spent a lot of time in France in the past and speaks fluent French, so she is able to get into a French school. However, after being in France for about four months Jasmine is sexually assaulted by one of her grandmother’s friends.

Her parents bring her back to the UK

When therapy begins, she has been back about two months and is settling into a new private girls’ school. She is doing well academically but she is not very happy about being back in the UK.

Jasmine has two much older brothers neither of whom live at home. She also has a younger sister who is four. Jasmine tells me her sister was an accident. She thinks her parents are too old to have a kid that young.

The therapy sessions that we will look at are about two months in, having established a good relationship with her.

Therapy session 9

(Jasmine arrives at the front door on her own. Usually, mum is with her when she arrives).

Jasmine: I left her in the car today. (She laughs)

Me: Oh. OK.

(We walk into the therapy room. She sits down opposite me. I notice she is wearing very ripped jeans. When she sits it exposes most of her upper legs).

Jasmine: Oops. Showing a bit too much leg today, aren’t I? (She laughs again)

(As she says this, she is trying to pull the jeans over her legs. Unlike her previous laugh this one feels like an attempt to cover her embarrassment)

(I pass her a cushion which she places on her lap).

Jasmine: Thanks. Sorry. Mum told me not to wear these, but I didn’t realise how they would look when I’m sitting down.

Me: No need to apologise. So how are you? How have things been since last week?

(I notice she becomes more serious. She shifts in her chair a few times. There is something she wants to say but she is finding it difficult. Weighing up if she can say it)

Jasmine: You said we would do that playlist thing this week. Did you get the link I sent you?

(She has not answered my question. I now have to decide whether to point this out or go in her direction. Most often it is best to go with the client’s direction. If there was something important to say, then she could come back to it at a later time. However, Jasmine is a child. Children, even older ones, are often looking for ‘permission’ to say some things. If I don’t make a point here of asking her if there was something she was going to say, I risk her not feeling able to say what might actually be very important.)

Me: Yeah, I got it. And we can definitely do that. But I got the impression there was something you wanted to say. When I asked you how things had been since last week.

Jasmine: (She turns her body to one side, looking away and up at the ceiling) I just don’t know if I can tell you this. Like, I don’t know if I should.

Me: Has something happened Jasmine?

(Using a person’s name when you are talking to them might seem like a small thing. In conversation most people seldom do this. But I make a very specific point of doing it when I want to connect more deeply with them. In this case I am wanting to show my concern for her; that I am really here for her if she wants to tell me something.)

Jasmine: Oh God no! No. Nothing has happened. It’s just when we were talking about my dad. It made me realise how much you don’t know.

Me: OK. And there are things you want me to know. Or you think I should know?

(Jasmine shakes her head but does not speak).

(I will not speak now. I will wait. I want to give her space to decide if, whatever it is, she wants to tell me. She knows that I am curious now, but my curiosity needs to be kept in check. If she feels she cannot tell me then I will not press her any further. She knows from my initial inquiry that she can tell me, now it is up to her if she actually does. If this were an adult client I would wait quite a long time. I would not feel the need to ‘rescue’ them, but again because she is so young I will need to help her out)

Me: Maybe we could come back to it later. If it is something that is difficult to say, then it’s ok to take your time. Or even not say it at all. You know it’s always your choice what you say, or don’t say.

Jasmine: When I was eleven years old my dad spanked me. Like, really hard.

(She is gripping her hands together and looking around the room. She has tears in her eyes)

(When a disclosure like this comes it is difficult to know what to say immediately. Even though this event happened about four years ago my immediate concern is whether there is still a risk. If he has hit her before , could he do it again. There is now another much younger child in the house. Is she at risk too?” Also, from a therapeutic point of view I wonder why she is telling me this now. Our conversation the previous week was about how she has a difficult relationship with her dad, but she thinks it is better now than it used to be. Maybe that is it. She has had time to reflect more on how she feels about him)

Me: Ok. Do you want to tell me more about that? I can see it was a hard thing for you to say.

(She sits up straight in the chair and wipes her eyes. She is making a deliberate gesture to stop crying).

Jasmine: I guess I was just thinking about that. How it changed everything. Social services got involved. He went away for a while. Then my baby sister was born, and he came back. He apologised and everything and said it would never happen again.

Me: Did you believe him?

(Jasmine does a double take here. As if my question surprised her. Perhaps it did. I sense that even if she accepted his apology, she is not going to forget what he did and it is going to make her feel cautious around him)

Jasmine: I’m not sure. Maybe. But I was just a bit more nervous around him. Coz’ when he hit me it so unexpected. Like he had literally never touched me before. And then there he is, really smacking me.

Me: It’s hard to forget that.

Jasmine: Yeah. Right …. And the thing is I think he is ashamed about it. Even now. Like we get on and we talk about stuff sometimes, like music and stuff. But it feels really awkward.

Me: You think there is still something unspoken between you? Something that still needs to be said?

(This is very much a question, not a statement. I don’t want to assume anything even though I feel sure that the relationship between Jasmine and her dad still needs repairing)

Jasmine: I’m not sure. Maybe.

(I feel an urge now to ask her what she would like to say to her dad or what she would like him to say to her, but actually this feels like far too big a question for a teenage girl. I need to not leave her in silence here, as if she has to give me an answer. But she speaks anyway before I can).

Jasmine: With everything else that’s happened… It must be hard for him.

Right there in that one statement is something that should remind us all how much we often underestimate young people. In the midst of all that she has been through she is still able to show concern for her dad, and how he might be feeling. Some might say he doesn’t deserve her concern, but nevertheless when people say that teenagers are not capable of genuine empathy, I would emphatically say they are wrong.

Of course, her concerns for her dad might be somewhat misplaced because of her own feelings of shame. The behaviour that got her excluded from school, the sexual assault in France. And now telling me of some incident ( I don’t know what exactly) that made her dad so mad he beat her.

I couldn’t help thinking back to something she had said in one of her first sessions about always being the problem child. She told me a funny story about running away from school when she was nine. Her and a friend decided to go to the park behind the school, not realising that it caused a major panic, and the police were called.

Is she reflecting on all of this and viewing herself as being the family’s black sheep?

We did manage to move on in this session to play some of her music. It felt important to do this since I had suggested it, and she was enthusiastic. But we didn’t get very far and so I said we would pick it up the next week.

The next session was really important, and it demonstrates how getting young people to reflect on their feelings is so much easier when you are doing something creative that has meaning for them.

She loved her music and was so keen, not just to play it to me but to tell me what it meant to her and what she felt the meaning was behind the lyrics. Indeed it was one particular song (a very surprising choice for a fifteen year old) that led us back to talking about her dad).

Therapy session 10

In this session we went straight into setting up the lap top with her playlist. After her revelation last week but ending the session with some discussion about one of her favourite songs it felt right that we should continue. She had briefly mentioned that she sometimes talked about music with her dad so I thought this might be a good way to get back to talking about their relationship.

As an aside here I think it is worth saying that we have not really mentioned the sexual assault yet. You’d be forgiven for thinking in a piece like this that I would want to show how we worked with this. However there are a number of points to make regarding how I work. Firstly the client’s frame of reference is crucial. She was aware of why her mum wanted her to have therapy, and in the first session we did speak a little about what happened in France, but I made it clear to her that we did not have to speak directly about this unless she wanted to. What was clearly emerging now was much more complex than simply what had happened to her four months ago. The questions that were emerging for me were around what had led her to perform a sex act on her boyfriend in school and why had her parents almost immediately taken the decision to send her away to France. It occurred to me that the very act of sending her away could be a clear message of shame. “We are ashamed of you.” Or even that she would feel “I am ashamed and deserve to be sent away.” I even wondered now after the revelation of being beaten by her dad whether being sent away brought back memories of that.

Therapy is seldom straight forward and I wanted to allow this young girl to really explore how she felt about herself and her place in the world. For someone her age these feeling would be inextricably linked to her relationship with her parents. In this case specifically her dad.

So, she began her playlist. About ten minutes into the session.

(Jasmine clicks on the first song.)

Jasmine: Not sure you will know this one. (She is right although I am familiar with the band. Death Cab For Cutie. The song is Styrofoam Plates. We listen to some of it, She turns the sound down to talk).

Me: Tell me what it’s about. Why you like it.

Jasmine: It’s not quite as Emo as their other stuff. I guess it’s still quite dark. I mean really dark.

Me: You like dark stuff.

Jasmine: Yeah, I’m pretty sick really (She is laughing as she says this). So the song is about being at this guy’s funeral and how he was not much of a father to his kid. Like really he just provided the spunk. (She puts her hand over her mouth). Sorry, can I say that?

Me: You can say what you want.

Jasmine: Yeah well anyway it’s his funeral but the song is saying like we might be here to mourn him ‘coz he’s dead, but actually he was a pretty shitty person. Like, not a great dad. (She pauses here for a long time)

Me: So, do you relate to this song in some way? Or other songs by this band?

Jasmine: Yeah. I guess so. They write about really sad stuff and like it just makes me think how we don’t get to choose what our lives are going to be like. I mean most of the time right. We don’t know what’s gonna happen. So when they sing about it. It kind of feels real. Even though it’s not really my life. I mean I don’t relate to it directly …. But

(When she pauses on the word ‘but’ I know there is something she wants to add. She is saying that this song doesn’t relate to her life really, yet I can sense that she has made some kind of connection. She may have made this connection a long time ago or she may be making it right now. It can’t be a coincidence that this is a song about a bad father. However when a client doesn’t finish a sentence like this I must wait. At least a few seconds. My silence will prompt her more than me repeating the word ‘but’ as a question).

Jasmine: (She stops the song) Yeah. Maybe we should play the next one.

(OK, So, my silence did not prompt her to finish her sentence. But I really need to stay with her flow. Whatever happens in this session, I really feel like this is what she needs. She is going in the direction she needs to go in).

Jasmine: This one will surprise you. It’s something my dad played for me. I mean actually he bought this as a single, like years ago. You might know the A side. Its Nanci Griffiths ‘From A Distance’ It’s kind of sweet but a bit cheesy. Anyway I found the B side more interesting. I know it sounds like dramatic but when I read the lyrics it sort of made me feel really sad.

(The song is called There’s a Light Beyond These Woods (Mary Margaret))

Me: Oh OK.

Jasmine: (She starts to play it, the volume is quite low and she talks over it) It kind of inspired me. ‘Coz you know I was telling you about writing stories. Well I wrote a story based on this song.

Me: Oh. That’s interesting. So tell me what it’s about.

Jasmine: It’s really sad. It’s about these two girls, and when they’re ten years old they sit in their back garden and dream about their future. It’s like they live in a really small town surrounded by woods and beyond the woods is a light. The light is the big city. Anyway she gets this boyfriend, whilst I think her friend (Mary Margaret) moves away. But then she comes back for senior prom but her boyfriend dies or something. Anyway I think it’s about how fate can suddenly change your plans and your life. So I feel like the singer eventually goes off to the city and lives her dreams but when she comes home to see her friend, Mary has a family and she doesn’t have anyone, so she is kind of envious of her friend. It’s like you make a choice whether to settle down or go off and have adventures in the big city. You know, the light beyond the woods.)

(The way she is speaking here tells me a lot. The characters here are a million miles away from her life, and yet they are not. She is telling me about missed opportunities, or making decisions that you regret. There is a rich opportunity here to see if my feelings about what this means to her are the same as hers).

Me: So, you wrote a story about it? It feels like the song really sparked your imagination. Could you relate to these characters in some way.

Jasmine: Of course. Me and my friend Allie. She was the one I ran away with. We always had dreams of going off on big adventures to big cities.

Me: Are you still friends with Allie now?

Jasmine: (shakes her head). I lost all my friends after ….. you know leaving school. Going to France.

(Her expression as she says this is quite neutral but she does something interesting which I notice immediately. She looks down and to her left and she touches the side her forehead. It is a very brief gesture after which she takes a deeper than usual breath. This is a very clear indication of shame and regret.

Regret, of course, at losing the friendship, but also shame over what happened at school. I know she is not going to talk about that now, and she might never, but I want to say something here. I want Jasmine to know that I am here for her and there is no judgement).

Me: Ah I’m sorry. It’s been a really tough time for you, hasn’t it.

(Jasmine nods. Then her face creases up. She bursts into tears).

(There had been a few controlled tears in previous sessions, but now she is really crying. Uncontrollably. This is, perhaps a therapists worst fear. Not that I am afraid of strong emotions as such, but what is the appropriate response? There is perhaps the overwhelming instinct, when it is a child, to console them with a hug. If she was my child of course that is what I would do. But she isn’t. She is my client.

I lean forward in my chair so that I am closer to her and I offer her a tissue).

(Jasmine has both hands over her face but she sees my gesture and leans forward to take a tissue).

Jasmine: Sorry. I just ….. It’s just …. (She can’t find the words)

(As she is saying this and taking the tissue I take hold of her hand and briefly squeeze it. This, for some therapists would be an absolute no no. Some therapists shy away from all physical touch. I do most of the time. However I calculate that this brief gesture will not be rejected, cause alarm or offence. I believe my relationship with Jasmine is strong enough for this. The fact that she is comfortable to cry in front of me is one indication I believe. I speak as I squeeze her hand).

Me: You’ve got nothing to be sorry for Jasmine. I know how hard all this has been for you.

Jasmine: Thank you. (She sits back in her chair and wipes her eyes. Then blows her nose. She takes a breath in and briefly closes her eyes. Then breathes out with a short sigh)

(This gesture is like a physical full stop. Or drawing a line under her previous emotion. She is going to say something important now).

Jasmine: I told dad about the play list, and he made a joke about subjecting you to my awful music. Then I said about the Nanci Griffith song. And he said something like. “Well maybe some of my taste is rubbing off on you.” (She scratches her head)

(This could be an itch, but it feels like she is trying to figure something out. Maybe she isn’t 100% sure but she is going to say it anyway).

Jasmine: Like, I know he is joking but .. you know sometimes I feel like my dad doesn’t really like me very much. Do you think that might be true? Like I am just one big pain for him.

(When a client asks me a direct question like this I have to try to remain congruent but at the same time not give my opinion. What use would my opinion really be? I have never actually met her dad anyway so how could I possibly guess what he might think. But I do know she deserves an answer that is more than just deflecting the question back at her. She has already told me what she thinks anyway).

Me: I don’t know Jasmine. But I guess after all that has happened I could see why you might feel like that. And yet …. You have also told me that sometimes you do get on ok with him. He and your mum are paying for you to be here. That feels like he must care for you. And you told me how upset they were after the sexual assault. How they want to do everything they can to make sure he doesn’t get away with it. You know they want him prosecuted for what he did to you.

Jasmine: (She is nodding and smiling slightly now).Yeah. I guess. It can’t be easy having a daughter like me.

(There she goes again, putting herself down. I now say something spontaneous. This is totally unplanned and just comes out of my mouth. I can only reflect that it was prompted by genuine feeling that I had for her in that moment).

Me: Jasmine, I think anyone would be lucky to have a daughter like you. I feel really sad when I hear you putting yourself down like that.

Jasmine: (she raises her eyebrows very briefly). Oh gosh. Thank you. (she smiles, looking down at the floor. Then she laughs. It is a slightly awkward laugh). Maybe you could tell my dad that.

(The brief eyebrow raise could be interpreted as surprise, but what we call an eyebrow flash is a bit more than that. It is a micro expression which indicates that the person likes what has just been said. It is also a sign of connection. People rarely do this unless they feel a connection with you.

It feels like the right moment to move back to talking about the song).

Me: Well maybe I should. But it feels like you wanted to tell me more about this song. And the story.

Jasmine: Well I’ve only written a bit. I was just trying to imagine what was actually happening for these people in the song. There’s this bit where it says her friend was home in time for the senior prom. Then it just says ‘When we lost John’. Like that’s all it says. And you think he must have died, or been killed in an accident or something. And he would have been really young. Like 18 years old. So it’s kind of really sad.

(Jasmine’s pause here and her gaze which is at first down and then up to her right. The she looks briefly at me, perhaps a little self-consciously).

Jasmine: Do you ever have those ‘what if?’ moments?

(I am not sure where she is going with this but I think I can answer this honestly. It’s not really about my opinion).

Me: Sure. I think everyone does. Do you?

Jasmine: Yeah. All the time. I mean not just like those what if I do this kind of questions. I really mean. What if I hadn’t done this or that. You know. Thinking about the past.

Me: Oh right. So you mean like a regret? More like, if only I hadn’t done this. Or, I wonder how different things would be if I had done this instead of that?

Jasmine: (She nods enthusiastically) Yeah. That’s what I mean. I think Nanci is living her dream in the big city, but when she comes back to visit her friend she sees that she has a family and maybe feels sad that she doesn’t have anyone. (she pauses). And maybe she remembers John.

Me: Of course. She has a new life. But she can see how different things might have been.

Jasmine: Yeah. I think there is a bit in one verse where she says she is living her dreams, but then maybe I think she might be lonely. And missing her friend. (Then she laughs). Or maybe she thinks she’s had a lucky escape because small town life is so boring.

I loved how much in our sessions there were these really thoughtful moments. She is able to deeply reflect on how another person might feel, but also use humour to create a different perspective. As I said at the beginning, it is often underestimated what young people are capable of, and yet I never do underestimate them. Not for a moment. Because I give them the space to reflect, and I really listen to them.

There were quite a few more sessions after this one with Jasmine. She did tell me about the sexual assault and actually I was satisfied that the event itself had not caused any lasting trauma. Why? Because she was able to prevent him from actually raping her which effectively stopped her from going into a freeze state. Also, despite initial disbelief from the adults around her she had in fact been well supported. The perpetrator was arrested by the French police and charges were pressed.

Her parents had brought her to counselling I think as much because of their own feelings of guilt, but in so many ways this was a blessing. Her relationship with them was very fragile because of what happened, and of course because of the incident when she was younger when her dad had beaten her.

What I was able to do, which again some might feel is unconventional, is to bring each of her parents individually into sessions with Jasmine. She was keen to do this and what we agreed was that they could not speak until fifteen minutes from the end. They were just there to observe.

The session with her dad was very powerful. They both cried.

It contained too much for me to explore here but I will briefly illustrate my next session with Jasmine after this. I think this would have been about session 25.

Session 25

(Ten minutes in. Jasmine has told me she has a new boyfriend but she hasn’t told her parents yet).

Jasmine: I’m not sure if they’re ready for that yet.

(She says this in a very light hearted way, but I sense there is a serious point here. She has not had a boyfriend since she left her last school, and the circumstances might make any parent nervous when their daughter gets another boyfriend. I am however not sure if it will be useful to comment here at all. My moto is, if I am unsure it is better to remain quiet. She continues however).

Jasmine: I will be sixteen soon though. So then I can do what I want.

(I am not sure why she is saying this, but I can’t help feeling that this conversation is really just a diversion. Last week’s session was so powerful and meaningful, yet she has not commented on it at all. But do I draw attention to it? I don’t need to think about this for too long. Her next sentence is very definitely an invitation).

Jasmine: Not sure dad will like him.

Me: How is your dad? After last week. I bet you’ve had a lot to say to each other.

Jasmine: Well, kind of. He took me shopping at the weekend. He’s never done that before. Like never. I usually go with my mum. But this wasn’t clothes shopping anyway. We went to a music shop and a book shop. He said I could spend up to a hundred pounds. But I wasn’t to tell mum. Like, yeah right. You know she’s gonna find out.

(She pauses here. Smiling and looking directly at the floor in front of her. She puts her hand just below her mouth here. Her fingers are not covering it).

(Covering the mouth or putting hands on the face when speaking is usually a clear indication of lying or being economical with the truth. But she is not speaking she is thinking about what to say and I interpret the hand as being a desire to be very specific about what she is going to say. She wants to find the right words).

Jasmine: It was nice. I think he wanted to really show me that he does care. And he asked me what I wanted to do, so it didn’t feel like he was just buying me stuff to please me. You know. (She pauses again with almost the exact same gesture). You know when he said last week that he loved me. (A single tear falls from her eye). It felt kind of strange. But in a good way. Like he could finally say it. 'Coz he's never said it before. Really, I think he might never have actually said he loves me before.

Me: (I can feel a lump in my throat at this point). It certainly felt like a special moment for both of you.

Jasmine: (she wipes her eye) Yeah it was, but you’re not gonna make me blub again.

(We both laugh)

Jasmine: But seriously. I am so glad we did that. I mean I really enjoyed the session with mum, but I wasn’t sure dad would even do it. So ….. yeah. It was good. Thank you.

I finished my work with Jasmine about three or four weeks later and I broke the no touch rule again because I gave her a hug. Only the second client I have ever hugged. She actually initiated it as she stood to leave, so I know it was the right thing to do.

I had no reason to think I would hear from Jasmine or her family again as it was very clear to me that the family dynamic had considerably shifted in a positive direction. However I did bump into her mum about two years later and she made a point of speaking to me briefly to tell me that Jasmine had won a writing scholarship to a top London university.

OK – full disclosure. Of course Jasmine is a fictitious amalgamation of several clients, but actually I have had a young client who did go on to win a scholarship. And more recently a girl who is now playing football for England. My point here is not to boast (well not really) but to emphasize my original point. I can’t possibly prove that these young women would not have gone on to great things without my help, but what I do know is that life events and family dynamics which were obviously not of their choosing had created high anxiety and low self-esteem in both of them and I doubt when I first started seeing them that either would have believed they were capable of doing such great things. But that is why it is so important that we do give space to teenagers to make meaning of their lives and what has happened to them. And to believe in them; really believe that they can achieve whatever they set their hearts on – beyond the woods.

There's a light beyond these woods Mary Margaret
Do you think that we will go there
And see what makes it shine, Mary Margaret
It's almost morning and we've talked all night
I know we've made big plans for 10 year olds
You and I

Have you met my new boyfriend Margaret
His name is John and he rides my bus to school
And he holds my hand - he's 14 he's my older man
We'll still be the best of friends the three of us
Margaret, John and I

Let's go to New York City Margaret
We'll hide out in the subways and drink the poets wine,
Oh, but I had John so you went and I stayed behind
But you were home in time for the senior prom
When we lost John

The fantasies we planned well I live without them now,
All the dreams we sang that we knew about
Well they haven't changed

There'll never be two friends like you and me
Mary Margaret

It's nice to see your family growing Margaret
Your daughter and your husband they really treat you right
But we've talked all night
Oh, what about those nights
That rode beyond our woods when we were ten
You were the rambler then

The fantasies we planned oh Maggie I live without them now
All the dreams we sang, we damn sure knew how
But I'll never change
There'll never be two friends just like you and me
Maggie can't you see?
There's a light beyond your woods Mary Margaret

(Song by Nanci Griffiths)